why dont you save me.

deliver_myheart @ 2009-08-31T23:32:00

2009-09-01T04:36:00Z

what if...

...it wouldve happened?
...i never left?
...he left me?
...it were back to the way it used to be?
...i wasnt over it

idk why but i think about this alot.
i know i am.
but i think its the fact that its someone else now.

...and not me.
am i?
ugh. sometimes i wanna cry.

how could you be so heartless.

2009-05-21T05:09:39Z

just when things were going so smoothly.
it blows up.
tonight. here. now.
i am such an idiot.

here i am sitting here waiting for the text message or phone call.
wtf.

im so screwed. just one more week.
i can make it
im outta here.
leaving this hole.
for 3 months

God put someone so special in my life where all i do is love and trust.
thats all i want. all i need.
someone to believe in me, my goals, and my future. our future.

deliver_myheart @ 2009-03-31T15:10:00

2009-03-31T20:17:30Z

michael if you're reading this, ill catch you ;p

we're taking a road trip thats long overdue.
its exciting that our parents are actually gonna let us do this.
we're pretty pumped.
just us 3.
3 weeks from now, ill be dressed up and quite happy.
2 months from now, ill be leaving the valley for 3 months.
5 months from now, he leaves but we'll be fine.

blah blah blah.

i was kinda contemplating whether or not to let things go back to the way they were with other people(s)
and im already used to things now. so i dont think its gonna work. we'll play nice but its never gonna be how it was.

g'day.

<3

a much needed goodbye.

2009-03-04T16:29:07Z

things are getting much better with michael.
maybe this will all play itself out.

a part of me realizes that certain friendships didnt mean as much to me as they shouldve
but i'm ok with all of this.
its like losing a bag of heavy bricks that constantly weighed me down.
and i somewhat feel better about letting it go.
me and that ol bag of bricks went everywhere. did everything shared everything.
in a way, it was kind of my life support.
but it only got heavier and eventually i couldnt carry it anymore.
so i dropped it off with my past.

goodbye bag of bricks.
thanks for a fulfilling friendship
but at the same time.
you screwed me over one too many times.
i love you. but thats the way it has to be.
sry for all the hurt youve caused me
i shouldve known better.
but i relied on you greatly.
you're opinions were considered but in the end
it all came down to what i want and what i feel like i need.
peace.

update

2008-06-14T05:59:10Z

i'm officially a college girl now!

i'm still MADLY in love with michael kasprzynski

i REALLY miss my girlfriends.

work has got me busy busy

i wake up wayyy early.. [hate it]

i LOVEE my new cobalt!

my misha is sick :/

thats it.

g'night<3

deliver_myheart @ 2008-03-08T23:56:00

2008-03-09T05:58:39Z

[ update]

i love him :D

[end of update]

:DDD

2007-11-23T23:51:25Z

I GOT ACCEPTED TO BAYLOR!!!!!!

lets get these teen hearts beating faster..

2007-11-21T15:53:00Z

i've been talking to himm everynightt
for the pastt 4 dayss
and im starting to like himm.. alot.

:]]

yayy for crushes.

i'll see himm on the way to next periodd.
<33

im cluddling close to blankets and sheets

2007-11-03T18:52:13Z

I WISH I WAS EIGHT AGAIN
becuase all he would have to do is tag me and i was it<3

all i need is just
one chance, one kiss, one night to shouw you what you
mean to me, one chance to spend the day with you && to
show you how we're so alike. one k i s s to prove we're
more than just friends. && one night to hold you tight

Life Is Full Of------->
          secrets and lies
so when you get screwed over dont act suprized.

Love Is For Losers
AND I GUESS IM ONE OF THEM

SHE ~~SMASHED~~ THE
REARViEW MiRROR with HER FIST
because starting today shes
n e v e r l o o k i n g b a c k

I'm so tired of pretending
EVERYTHING IS OKAY.
>>MY TEARS ARE STARTING TO SHOW
AND MY SMILE IS FADING AWAY.<<

♥ just blow the speakers
   we can seing like rock stars
   && dnace like we're famous.

we're just silly little girls♥
       who fall for stupid boys

I DO MY THING aND YOU DO YOUr THING. I aM NOT IN THIS
WOrLD TO LIVe UP TO YOUr eXPeCTaTIONS. aND YOU are
NOT Here TO LIVE UP TO MINe. YOU are YOU. aND I
aM I. aND IF BY CHaNCE We FIND eaCH OTHer. IT'S
BeaUTIFUL.♥

senior walk.

2007-11-02T15:18:47Z

was the saddest night ever.
we ALMOST won our game.
so anyway after the game
was our senior walk.
i started off with amanda, rivers, and kelly bo belly and was already crying by the time everyone got onto the track. It's so hard trying to understand that it was my last night to EVER cheer at our stadium, to EVER walk on the track with my best friends, and know that the rest of my life is gonna be WAYY different.
as we were walking & crying, i saw laurah, heat, jackie, denise, taylor, kassie, and mike'OH. i walked with them and cried harder. so many memories with them and its all gonna be over in a matter of months.
I finally found LJ and bekah and we hugged and cried and ran to the middle of the field. it was good being wiht them but sad.
i know that we will always be friends because we've all grown up together. but wow, words cant describe how different its gonna be.
its really hard. I hugged people i hadn't talked to in years and cried with people i held grudges with. everything seemed to slip away. all my grudges, all my hate, all my judgements. it was nice being myself with everyone. it was really difficult. i'd never wanted to hug my mom so much. lol. i got home at about 1030 and my mom and i just sat there talking for awhile. She told me she didnt cry because she knows whats coming for me is gonna be great. she knows im a hard-worker and will succeed. she said that GOD's plan for me was gonna be a great one and she wasnt worried for me at all. it made me feel great.

To the SENIOR CLASS OF '08:
gosh guys we've been through so much together. its hard to believe its all coming to an end.
memories with everyone. drama. oh god the drama. fights. laughs. tears. and a new obstacle.. FEAR.
whats next? college? armed forces? marriage? families? jobs? its weird isnt it. leaving the underclassmen behind to continue our legacy & to remember us as the greatest senior class ever. :] wow. i'm gonna miss everyone greatly. all my cheerleaders all my choir kids. all my best friends. gosh.. i never thought senior year would be like this. you guys have made high school worthwhile.
i love you. and GOD BLESS in whatever goes down in your life.

Peace.

alright so here's the plan

2007-10-27T20:56:47Z

you go ahead and keep your options open
while i stay here and lose all hope in love.

i <3333 levi smith..
hot stuff.

I <3 how true this is.....

2007-10-23T22:56:20Z

DONT YOU LOVE <3
HOW EVERY GIRLS PROFILE
IS ABOUT THAT ONE [ GUY ]
&& YET
HE NEVER KNOWS THAT EVERY
WORD IS ABOUT [ HIM ]

if YOU looked iNSiDe a GiRL...
you would see how much she really cries, you
would find so many secrets && lots of lies but
what you'll see the most is how hard it is to stay
strong when nothing is right and everything is wrong.
____________x </3

it doesn't matter anymore
i guess things happen for a reason, tears eventually fade
and one day everything will be exactly how its supposed
to be. moving on is a process & + you have to promise
- - - - - - - - - - - >yourself that you're really ready to let go. <I3

deliver_myheart @ 2007-10-12T18:50:00

2007-10-12T23:52:14Z

how i love playradioplay!!!

goodbye waves and driveways

2007-09-30T01:35:14Z

i miss himm..
but only to a certain extent.
and its not even like its HIM i miss
its the way things were with us.
when we were happy.
im ready to be like that again
with someone else.
but it doesnt seem like its possible
since he's the only person
who ever made me feel that way.
its the way he treated me too.
respect and lovee.
Sheer passionate lovee.
maybe it was just a lust thing.
what happened to us??
damnn.

deliver_myheart @ 2007-09-26T10:24:00

2007-09-26T15:21:12Z

i'm in bcis... bored as hell.
myspace doesnt work..
LAME!
andi have 10 minutes to kill.

someone tell me websites where i can UNBLOCK myspace.
<3

Jen and I

2007-09-25T01:04:52Z

got BUSTED!
but it was a weird busted.

we didnt really get into trouble.

wtf.

but NEVER will i do it again

deliver_myheart @ 2007-08-28T20:41:00

2007-08-29T01:41:20Z

im so confused with jacob.
idk what to do anymore.

=/

deliver_myheart @ 2007-08-27T19:07:00

2007-08-28T00:13:18Z

my counselors are gay and didnt put me in cheerleading.
but at the same time.. it all works out.
except for the fact that apparently i HAVE to take cheerleading.

1st- BCIS McCarver
2nd- Health Kazpryzinksy
3rd- Economic Livingston
4th- Choir Alvarez
5th- Co-Op Salinas
6th- OFF
7th- OFF
8th- OFF

during 6th today rivers, amanda and i went to Suteki. Yumm!

and i ate REALLY FAST cuz i had to be back at work by 2:30.

i got there Right on TIme.
::)

i love being a senior!<3

deliver_myheart @ 2007-08-21T13:56:00

2007-08-21T18:58:35Z

man oh man.
someone pray for me.

damn

2007-08-18T20:08:43Z

i've just realized im a hopeless romantic.
:D
and i love it.

i wish i was in san antonio with him.
<3

its really weird.

2007-08-18T19:50:13Z

its really weird a bunch of my friends are leaving to college.
its amazing how we've spent the last 3-4 years of our lives together and now we may never talk again.
to those who i've spent these past years with:
lizzie: i love you with my whole heart and i miss you like crazy.
i will never forget when we met up at the showbread show with doris and carlos.
that night was unforgettable.
i've known you forever.
since elementary i think.
and i hope you have fun in college.
take care and God bless.
to bella:
man girl.
the laughs we've had.
our moonbeans nights.
camp.
big boobs. Lmao.
have fun at A&M
love ya.
nicole:
i will never forget you.
your crazy hair colors.
your crazy attitude about everything
and your crazy self.
i miss you already
love houston for me.
to jacob garcia:
you're a marine now.
you've always had a special place in my heart.
and you always will
we've been through ALOT during high school.
some bad.
and some unforgettable moments.
damn.
our late night phone calls.
the tears.
the laughs.
the drama.
oh god the drama!
have fun.
see you in a couple months.
<3

and to those i didnt get to know as well as the others:
have fun.
remember your home.
and keep strong.
you will be missed
and you are always going to be loved.
stay true to yourself.
and remember God will always be there for you through the hardest of times.
enjoy your life.
we're still young. :)

deliver_myheart @ 2007-08-16T22:03:00

2007-08-17T03:08:04Z

i saw him today for a little bit.
he makes me insanely happy.
:D
tomorrow i will go see him again... hopefully.
even though he'll be working =/
but i HAVE to go tomorrow.
because he leaves on saturday to take his brother to SA for college.
he wont be back until sunday night.
=/
its ok.
i'll survive.
:D

i love his kisses.

the end.

deliver_myheart @ 2007-08-14T18:26:00

2007-08-14T23:38:33Z

tonight.
out with jacob!
YAY!
finally.
<333

the bright lights wont recieve you.

2007-08-13T23:53:14Z

i wanna fall asleep in his arms again.
i want to kiss him like the first time we did.
:D
i've fallen hard for this boy.
and im proud to be his girlfriend
now all he has to do is answer his damn phone
and tell me whether or not we can go to the movies tonight :D
hes funny like that though.
he keeps me anxious.
i hate it
but i love it at the same time.
he's truly amazing.
i've never felt like this before.
i miss that boy...
make me smile tonight babe.

someday we'll know

2007-08-10T23:36:11Z

i went to his hockey game again.
:)
we won this time.
i had to leave early though.
but it was funn.
he's great.
he's like nothing i've ever had before.
he's better.. far better.

so here's the story of me and jacob's "new" friend
here it goes :

jacob and i were upstairs watching the football game before the hockey game last night
i started to fall asleepand he did too.
he woke up and kissed my cheek
which woke me up
to our suprise there was this random little blonde headed kid sitting next to us.
out of 3 couches and only one being occupied (by me and jacob)
the kid chose to sit next to us.
idk. random
we were being quiet cuz of course we were tired and falling asleep.
but the kid proceeds to ask questions about who we're going for
and which team is winning.
we really didnt care.
but we just answered thinking that he would possibly go away and leave us alone.
he didnt.
damn little kids.
damn them.
jacob then asked him waht his name was
and the little boy made a scared face
and just ignored him..
and so i proceeded to ask him
and you know what he tells me.
"CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST BE QUIET?!?!?!"
i was like wtf.
get away stupid kid.
i didnt tell him that but i wanted to.
so then jacob was like "lets go downstairs."
so we got up and started walking downstairs.
the STUPID LITTLE KID decided to follow us
and then asks us.
ARE YA"LL LEAVING
and jacob the retard that he is says
"no man we're going downstairs."
i was like YES WE'RE LEAVING.
lmao.
he left us alone after that. :)

hope you enjoyed it.

now onto the other things.

we talked until 4 last night.
im so tired
especially having to wake up at 7 for work.
but suprisingly he fell asleep first.
i dunno.
i really like this boy alot.
:)